A new study shows that if parents play it safe when choosing baby names, they may be doing their offspring a favor: Giving a newborn males odd, girly or strange first names may just help land them in jail.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31960846/ns/parenting_and_family/from/ET

Clearly they forgot about “Reeve.” Wait—I hear somebody calling me on a bullhorn. I’ll be back in 2-to-5.

Sarah Palin’s resignation is likely a reaction to the incessant investigations of her conduct as Governor of Alaska, a conservative Republican, and a holier-than-all-thou parent. However, this move proves her to be a quitter and an opportunist; I’m sure she’ll end up on Fox News, giving speeches, and making plenty of bucks like the felonious drug-abusing whore-mongering Rush Limbaugh and the congenitally-unable-to-speak-the-truth loudmouth bully Bill O’Reilly.

Who knows what hand the First Dude had in this? It sounds like he needs a new snow machine and Mama controls the checkbook.

It will be interesting to see how Ann Coulter (watch for her on Family Guy’s “FOX-y Lady” episode), Laura Ingraham, and Monica Crowley, the right wing’s resident harpies, will respond to a competitor. I smell a cat fight!  On, wait-like I would care.

My early prediction for Obama’s running mate in 2012: Rahm Emanuel.

…at the Evil Empire, and I’m never bored.

June was a tough month; here’s the short list.

David Carradine: Kill Bill.

Barry Beckett: Muscle Shoals legend.

Bob Bogle: Ventures guitarist.

Ken Reusser: ass-kicking Marine aviator in three wars; I would take this guy and a knife into a gun fight.

Ed McMahon: the #1 2nd banana.

Farah Fawcett: that poster that I never had.

Billy Mays: after going through IBM’s sales school, I became interested in the art of the sales pitch, and Billy Mays was the best.  The pitchmen at the Annapolis Boat Shows hawk their “miracle towels” were smooth, and they always appreciated the sale and a compliment.  Even today, I’ll listen to a pitch for some completely bullshit product, knowing what’s coming, just for the visceral pleasure of it.  And I never could click through a Billy Mays pitch for anything (and he pitched some really crummy products): I’d watch just to see his craftsmanship.  At only 50, he closed his biggest order ever, and basic cable at 11:30 PM will never be the same.

Billy Mays: a-MAY-zing.  “Just pay a separate shipping and handling.  Here’s how to order!”

It’s “Grand” because their goal is to mark everything up 1000%.  My $.99 can of Arizona Iced Tea (that’s what they charge locally) goes for $5.00 here, a 400% markup.  Where’s the value-add?  And how about $14.95/day for Internet access?  I know it’s tough to install a couple of wireless routers; I guess all the geek-agers were off doing something else when this big project came up.

It looks like consumers subsidize the cheap rooms offered to business groups, and the hotel makes its money on the facilities and services for the group’s business meetings.

Noisy: my partial ocean-view room on the top (6th) floor overlooks a large water/pool complex.  Every night, there’s been carrying on until 3 AM or later, and it’s been loud enough to wake me over the sound of the surf.  Why isn’t there a policy governing noise after hours?  And why does a guest have to complain (which didn’t do any good, BTW) in the first place?  Shouldn’t the Resort staff pay attention to things like this?  This is very bad management, and I’m surprised.

Expedia.com didn’t do such a good job rating this place.

Next time, I’m returning to Curtain Bluff in Antigua.  In the old days…sigh…my favorite vacations were on my Sabre 42 in the Chesapeake Bay.

I’ve had it with Hawaiian Airlines. They’re Hawaiian in name and décor but they have the spirit of a Dick-Cheney-channelling waterboard technician working for a credit-card company. If your HA travel plans change, you could find yourself paying more in change fees that you paid for the original ticket.

I paid premium dollars ($751) in January 2009 for a March flight, a 60-day advance purchase. When my plans disintegrated, I called and cancelled my flight but left the ticket open. A couple of months later, after fares had dropped, I rebooked and was socked with two $150 change fees, one for each direction. My $751 ticket had become a $1,051 ticket. Today, that ticket prices out at $490.

The meal service on the Seattle-Honolulu segment was a bean burrito…yes, that’s right; I though serving them in a confined space was illegal. I was going to grouse about a $10 Chicken Caesar salad but, depending upon the quality, that price may not be unreasonable.

After spending all this money and booking months in advance, would you be surprised to learn that on my connecting flight I was seated in the second-to-last row, right next to the engine? Waterboarding or dentistry without anesthesia would have been less painful. This seat was assigned 30 days before the flight and I can’t believe it was the best available.

I just called to see if I could advance my return flights and a supervisor decline to waive another change fee, even after I pointed out the total I had already paid for my tickets.  Hawaiian even charges a change fee if you want to stand by for an earlier same-day flight (I was booked on the noon flight and couldn’t stand by for the 10:55 AM departure).  This non-valuer-add grab for your wallet is admirable in its gall.

Is there a double standard?  They can change their prices up and down after you’ve purchased your ticket but we can’t change our plans without a penalty.

They piously point to their tariffs as justification for change fees. Well, boys, here’s my tariff:

(1) I will play above-market prices for consistently better-than-average service.
(2) I will not demand freebies as a condition of my patronage.
(3) I will play market rates for commodity services (see the next tariff item).
(4) I will be loyal to my preferred vendors, even if they’re slightly more expensive.
(5) My vendors will treat all their customers fairly.
(6) My vendors will provide good value for their products and services.
(7) My vendors will keep each customer satisfied.

The airlines wonder why we hate them. Yes, business is tough, but driving your passengers into the seats of other carriers is just plain dumb. And as to Hawaiian’s boast about being #1 in on-time service, well, let’s say they’re the best of a bad lot, their ranking is a serendipitous combination of geography and meteorology, and good management has nothing to do with their ranking.

I’m going to complain…a lot.  I’m going to complain to the managers of Hawaiian Airlines; Federal, state, and local governance agencies; other businesses; and my Microsoft colleagues.  I think it will cost HA a lot more than $150 to deal with this issue.  And this situation really sours me on Hawai’i as a vacation destination.

This site will make your eyes burn: www.greymuzzle.org.

Another reason not to watch.

At least seven top McCain advisers and fundraisers – Thomas Loeffler, Susan Nelson, John Green, Kirsten Chadwick, Kirk Blalock, Aleix Jarvis and William Ball III – have all lobbied for EADS, the parent company of European airplane manufacturer Airbus.

The Air Force and Boeing have dirty hands too-remember Darlene Druyun and Michael Sears?  Of course the White House and Donald Rumsfeld were involved in the original deal.

I’m pretty unhappy with the lack of professionalism shown by many current military “leaders”.  Between this deal, the Pat Tillman story, and the mess at Guantanamo, we’ve seen political-grade leadership from our senior military.  We all should expect better from them. 

I say outsource the tanker deal to the Japanese and be done with it.

You’re not an official member of the Internet community unless you’ve received one of those letters offering you millions of dollars for helping the widow of some dead African official transfer tens of millions of dollars out of an unused bank account.

These “advance payment” scams require the victim to put up thousands of dollars in good-faith money.  The victim sends the money, or delivers it in person to Nigeria, and the money (as well as the widow) vanishes.  Only the feeling of suckerness remains.  They’re know as “4-1-9″ scams, the 4-1-9 referring to the section of the “Nigerian Penal Code” dealing with these scams.  My fingers are laughing whenever I type “Nigerian Penal Code” ’cause the NPC is written on the back of a Post-It, legibly, and with both full details and an FAQ.

Here’s my proposal: when you get one of those letters, answer it.  Play along and ask questions but don’t reveal any…and I mean by-God any…personal information.  The scammers will end up spending most of their time working on dead-end leads and the likelihood of the scammer finding a real victim (somebody that actually buys their twaddle) will decrease dramatically.

When the scammers change tactics, so will we.  What are they going to do–have Bill O’Reilly send Fox News Security after us?  Damn, my fingers are laughing again…