“Aloha” means goodbye and hello

Aloha-I’m back, earlier than desired or planned.  But I have too many personal initiatives going on, and, after a week, I burned out on vacation.  Twenty years ago, I needed five days to get into the vacation spirit.  Now, it’s longer; I just don’t know how much longer.  Seven days doesn’t appear to be long enough, and that’s a depressing thought.

So I flew into Honolulu and then to Hilo, and then up drove up the mountain to the volcano.

 Hawai’i, the Big Island: before you die, here are two adventures.  You must visit Hawai’i Volcanoes National Park.  Even if you don’t see lava flowing, the lava fields, cinder cones, and craters are surreal.  Pictures are not worthy-you need to see it in 3D.  And then go to the summit of Manua Kea: the view looking down is magnificent.  Just make sure you’re there for sunset, and then take your time going down (you don’t have a choice).  Here’s the important move: pull over at 9,000 0r 10,000 feet; wait for the traffic to die down, wait for your night vision to develop, and then look up.  The naked-eye view of 20,000 stars is breathtaking-you just don’t see this sight from many places on Earth.  The net result: I am reminded of how small and insignificant the human race is.  Anybody thinking we’re the only critters in the universe, much less the most powerful, has been brainwashed (E-Meters, I guess).  My next trip will likely entail backpacking through the HVNP and on Maui.

I needed some sea level time, so I split for Maui.

 Maui: I like the east side.  It’s very rugged and ranchy; several entertainment names (Oprah is a major landowner and will probably build a wellness center there; Willy; Kris; Woody, and RIP Fab-Four George) live in the Hana area.  You’ve heard about the road to Hana; the road south from Hana is substantially more narrow.  There are some beautiful homes/estates/ranches south of town, on the edge of the island overlooking volcanic beaches.  By car, Hana is functionally inacessible (at least 90 minutes and usually 2.5 hours); if you’re a Big Name, you’ll charter into the Hana airport from Honolulu or chopper in from Kahului.  The Hana Ranch is a major beef producer, which is why you see cattle everywhere.  During my round-the-Island helicopter flight, Jason, the pilot, mentioned sugar cane was the Island’s biggest cash crop; I suggested maybe it was the Island’s largest acknowledged cash crop.  We all know Willy is growing something besides cattle on his ranch in Hana.

Now, a little bit about the road to Hana.  Yes, it’s as good and as bad as they say.  Driving there is bad enough, ’cause traffic will be awful and there is not one damn thing to do in Hana.  Yes, I’ll telling the truth: nothing, nothing, nothing; when you get there, you’re hit with the realization you have to go back.  The drive back from Hana-well, let me suggest having red-hot pokers stuck in my eyes would have been less painful.  No, check that-I’d have to include being in a special Hell populated solely by skateboarders.  Wait-here it is: having red-hot pokers stuck in my eyes while in the special Hell populated by the Johnny Knoxville/”Jackass” crowd of skateboarders while having Rush Limbaugh blustering in one ear and Bill O’Reilly lying in the other would be less painful than the drive back from Hana.

About the drivers: I saw so many red Mustang convertibles I thought I’d be sick.  The worst drivers are tourists, all driving to Hana in their Dodge muscle cars and thinking the double yellow lines with reflectors is the middle of their lane.  Next up: the locals in their tricked-out pickups whipping around curves like they own the road (they don’t; tourists paid for it).  Some rides were jacked up so high they had anticollision lights and an escalator.

In spite of my grumbling, I still like the place.  It is beautiful, and the Pacific is awesome.  The next time, I’m not settling for less than four stars (and I’m not talking about the ones in the sky, I’m talking about the ones in Frommer’s).

Factoids:
(1) Hawai’i is expensive.  It’s all that nasty transportation from the mainland.
(2) “Bed and breakfast” lodging means, “No housekeeping service, no air conditioning, no ceiling fan, no shampoo, and clean towels every fourth day.”  You’ve been warned!  On the other hand, the Four Seasons is flawless.  Expensive, but as close to perfection as you’re going to find.
(3)  I was very surprised at the amount of roadside garbage, particularly on the Big Island.  Every back road leading to a beach has rusting, abandoned cars, trailers, boats, and washing machines.  Listen-it’s not the tourists dumping this stuff.
(4)  Don’t go crazy on me, but I was appalled at the amount of litter flying out of residents’ cars.  For a community so in touch with the land and sea, this is surprising.  Unless the car rental companies are renting jacked-up Datsun trucks and battered Chevy’s, the litterbugs are locals.
(5)  Hawai’ian hosptiality is alive and well-everybody was very nice.
(6)  I hate Seattle weather seven months a year.
(7)  I miss my doggies. 
(8)  Retirement must be hell.

Maybe I’ll try Steamboat Springs this summer.